Tonight I learned that an important component of free food is not having to go get it. I've been told, and learned through experience, that people, especially college students, love free food. Tonight I had free food to offer, if one was only willing to drive/bike/walk the 2ish blocks to get it. Many people said no for one reason or another. It made me think of the love God has to offer us. He has said, it's here for the taking. All we have to do is go get it, reach out and take it! How many of us turn it down for one reason or another? How many of us miss out on blessings simply because we didn't take them? Shame on us?
Lord, help us to never shy away from your love and blessings, simply because we are too lazy, not willing to reach out and accept.
Amen.
Monday, November 8, 2010
Wednesday, September 22, 2010
You know how to quench my thirst
Sorry it took me so long to get a stateside blog. But I've come to a point where I can no longer put it off, and I have to say this.
I last left you anticipating leaving England, dealing with the stress of leaving home and coming home. The first thing that was a major change after landing in Chicago, was the heat and humidity! I was accustomed to a milder climate, and wearing jeans was comfortable some days, even in July. The week in Chicago re-orienting to my mother culture was not what I expected, but it was good. It was a difficult, but necessary and wonderful process to get the ball rolling of making the transition back into this culture. It was so great to catch up on stories with those who had completely different but similar experiences.
Coming home to Nebraska, I hugged my parents, got in the car for an hour and a half catching up on whatever felt right to say. Then we ate at Runza. I had my usual Swiss Mushroom Runza. Oh man did that taste good! I can't say that food has never tasted so good, but that's a part of my childhood that was so wonderful to revisit.
The next month I spent at home. Just at home. I think that's the first time in my life that it's been ok to be just home, for that long of a time. It may be the last this will be true for my childhood home. That's ok. All the while I was being, working, living, reveling, soaking up home, I was re-orienting myself with it. It had changed some. I worked at home, in the heat, I sweated, got sun-burned, bit by mosquitos, muscles that hadn't been used in a year groaned, yelled, whined and complained. I worked at church, and the part of church that I really never have seen before, the staff, was a whole lot more different than I thought. It was eye-opening, refreshing, fun. I got to feel like an adult, with a real job (that was fake) and not feel ALL the pressures. I got to share my story. I'm seeing more and more each day how rejuvenating this is! Even if there's not a hurt to heal, telling your story is healing! I got to share it with Central Plains Mennonite Conference youth, with my church's high school sunday school class I got to give a children's story, play violin in church once again, read scripture with CONVICTION and really believe what I was reading, AS I was reading it. I talked in front of people, and I wasn't crazy-nervous like I've been accustomed to in the past, I was just meh-nervous. I did well, and people laughed when it was funny and cried when I cried. It was truly awesome, and I felt blessed. The first thing I noticed upon being reunited with my home congreation, is that, Bethesda is alive! Yes, my church has problems. It has people in it, therefore it is one of God's problem children. But people are working, moving, growing, living, loving, sharing for Christ! It was such a stark comparison from where I came from, that I couldn't help but notice it. The church in England is dying, and it breaks my heart that this is so. Yes people in England are living, loving, sharing, growing, moving, working for Christ, but only a handful. It broke my heart to know that I didn't notice the comparison sooner, to be more urgent in my work in England. But it also gave me a deep gratitude for where God has chosen to place me on this earth.
Then I drove the 3 hour trip down to my second home, Kansas. I spent one great, but all to short week with my boyfriend before he headed off to Virginia. I neglected the mention of my boyfriend in many of my blog posts this year, because our relationship wasn't the focus of what I was doing this year in England, God was, although sometimes I question if I really made that so. My dating relationship wasn't the focus of this year, but it was one huge part of it. He supported me through thick and thin during the year, like a best friend does. He's never complained that I talk too much, which is something that I need, and truly needed this year. I don't even know how to describe how much having him as a major part of my life meant this year. I do know that it was key, and that it was God's doing, and I am ever so thankful for that. So thank you Travis, for every way in which you supported me this year, I really mean it when I say I couldn't have done it without you. The year would have looked very different.
Being in Kansas wasn't just to see my boyfriend. I prepared that week to return to higher education after a 15-month hiatus. It was weird. School feels weird this time around, I've learned other habits, good and bad, and I don't know exactly what to expect. It's weird to now be "younger" than people that have been in my grade my whole life. It's weird to be in the same grade as people who have been in the grade below me my whole life. It's mind-jarring when I realize that people don't know the story of my year. They don't know if I'm a freshman, a senior, a young person living in town, single, married. It's weird having to reintroduce myself all over again, to the partially familiar. But it's good. All things work together for the good of those who love Him? Why yes they do! I hate the uncomfortable feeling of being the junior who should be acclimated, but is still uneasy. I LOVE that I now live in an encouraging faith community. I didn't realize what I was missing. My soul was SO thirsty. And it feel SO good. I feel SO blessed right now to be surrounded by a grounded body of believers. I do feel closer to God here than I have in the last three years, maybe ever. Hear me when I say that Hesston was absolutely the right place for me two and three years ago. But right now this is exactly what I need, I can feel it through and through. It may be the stark comparison of standing alone with God and my teddy bear last year, and now being uplifted and encouraged. So thank you Father God, for providing for my every need, and giving my soul that drink of cool water to ignite my spirit again.
Amen.
Sunday, June 27, 2010
it hit me like a ton of bricks
I'm sure that's a line from a song or something, but that's what went through my head as a sat in our bathroom crying Friday afternoon, while everyone else was waiting to go to Tesco to do our weekly grocery shopping. The bathroom was the only place that I could find where I wouldn't be disturbed, where I hopefully wouldn't have to admit to anyone else that I was crying. My plan was to let it out, cry for a bit and stop, dry my eyes and go downstairs and out the door.
My plan didn't happen. For whatever reason that was the moment that I had realized just exactly how much I was going to miss this place. The children that I work with in school, who I've scolded and laughed with and helped do sums and said hello to on the street. Our elderly German neighbor who has vibrant stories from her life that can seem to drag on when I'm standing on the other side of the fence. The Bilton family who we see quite often for church or dinners at the vicarage. The three beautiful women that I live with that I've cried, laughed, argued with, encouraged, yelled at, shared birthdays and danced crazily with, been lost with and loved over the last 9 1/2 months.
At the same time, the same gut-wrenching minute, second, I wanted to be home in Nebraska in the country, having a morning cup of coffee with my mom, or quizzing my father about the radio trivia question that he didn't hear that day. I want to be with my boyfriend, in Kansas, or Nebraska or anywhere really that we can spend time together before our life choices separate us again for months at a time. I want to be home and spend time with the new puppy Molly and make her feel welcome in her new home. I want to go to parades and help my nephew pick up candy off the street, and try my very best to convince him to share some with his favorite (I wish) aunt. I want to get to know my bubbly, happy niece so I don't miss her as a baby. I do want to go back and be in drama, choir, orchestra, and school (yes I do like it) and be able to go to a decent coffee shop that's not Starbucks. But I also want to hear chatter around me in the staff room about everyone's weekend and this child that did this, or that child that didn't understand that. I will miss children asking if I'm related to or know an American celebrity, or being horrible at guessing my age when I did tell them on my birthday.
Time is running out. Two weeks now, that seem to be slipping through my fingers like the sugar I sprinkled on a pie this morning. Two weeks from now I'll be doing last minute packing and thinking about trying to go to sleep early so that I can wake up in the wee hours of the morning to catch a flight. A flight to where? I'm not sure. A flight that will take me away from my home, to my home. Six weeks later I'll drive three hours to my home to continue college. My heart and my mind are confused right now, I can no longer call just one place home. And I think that's a good thing, that there are three places that I really feel at peace, at home. But it's sure hard to leave any of them. Bittersweet. That's a taste of life I don't think I'll ever grow accustomed to. Will I ever be okay with this I wonder? Yes, I think so. But I haven't the foggiest idea when or how. I'm sure I'll repeat my crying in the bathroom ritual many-a-time in the months to come. But, it'll be alright, I gotta let it out somehow.
Thank you for listening dear readers. Thank you for praying and encouraging me and continuing to read about my joys and struggles. I have a feeling this will be my last post from England. I'll try to get another one out, but I think something will get the better of me, whether it be laziness, or being busy with preparing to leave. I may post another time in Chicago, or back in Nebraska, so don't delete this blog link just yet. Many of you will hear me speak or share or whatever at Bethesda in Henderson and if not hopefully you can hear about my experience in person sometime soon.
Blessings,
Becca from across the pond
My plan didn't happen. For whatever reason that was the moment that I had realized just exactly how much I was going to miss this place. The children that I work with in school, who I've scolded and laughed with and helped do sums and said hello to on the street. Our elderly German neighbor who has vibrant stories from her life that can seem to drag on when I'm standing on the other side of the fence. The Bilton family who we see quite often for church or dinners at the vicarage. The three beautiful women that I live with that I've cried, laughed, argued with, encouraged, yelled at, shared birthdays and danced crazily with, been lost with and loved over the last 9 1/2 months.
At the same time, the same gut-wrenching minute, second, I wanted to be home in Nebraska in the country, having a morning cup of coffee with my mom, or quizzing my father about the radio trivia question that he didn't hear that day. I want to be with my boyfriend, in Kansas, or Nebraska or anywhere really that we can spend time together before our life choices separate us again for months at a time. I want to be home and spend time with the new puppy Molly and make her feel welcome in her new home. I want to go to parades and help my nephew pick up candy off the street, and try my very best to convince him to share some with his favorite (I wish) aunt. I want to get to know my bubbly, happy niece so I don't miss her as a baby. I do want to go back and be in drama, choir, orchestra, and school (yes I do like it) and be able to go to a decent coffee shop that's not Starbucks. But I also want to hear chatter around me in the staff room about everyone's weekend and this child that did this, or that child that didn't understand that. I will miss children asking if I'm related to or know an American celebrity, or being horrible at guessing my age when I did tell them on my birthday.
Time is running out. Two weeks now, that seem to be slipping through my fingers like the sugar I sprinkled on a pie this morning. Two weeks from now I'll be doing last minute packing and thinking about trying to go to sleep early so that I can wake up in the wee hours of the morning to catch a flight. A flight to where? I'm not sure. A flight that will take me away from my home, to my home. Six weeks later I'll drive three hours to my home to continue college. My heart and my mind are confused right now, I can no longer call just one place home. And I think that's a good thing, that there are three places that I really feel at peace, at home. But it's sure hard to leave any of them. Bittersweet. That's a taste of life I don't think I'll ever grow accustomed to. Will I ever be okay with this I wonder? Yes, I think so. But I haven't the foggiest idea when or how. I'm sure I'll repeat my crying in the bathroom ritual many-a-time in the months to come. But, it'll be alright, I gotta let it out somehow.
Thank you for listening dear readers. Thank you for praying and encouraging me and continuing to read about my joys and struggles. I have a feeling this will be my last post from England. I'll try to get another one out, but I think something will get the better of me, whether it be laziness, or being busy with preparing to leave. I may post another time in Chicago, or back in Nebraska, so don't delete this blog link just yet. Many of you will hear me speak or share or whatever at Bethesda in Henderson and if not hopefully you can hear about my experience in person sometime soon.
Blessings,
Becca from across the pond
Saturday, May 29, 2010
Blessings
Welcome to adulthood.
My 21st birthday was this past week, and many people said, welcome to adulthood, or Congratulations! You're an adult! Hmm. Funny thing being an adult. It's rather odd being congratulated for just living long enough to add that one more digit to my age that legally makes me an adult. Really, it seems as if I should be thanking those people in the world around me, mostly those older than me, for letting me, allowing me, helping me, enabling me to become an adult. In a way, all I did was sit back and enjoy the ride, but everyone else in the world around me grew food, made clothes, built shelter for me, so that I could reach the day when I'm finally considered part of adult society. The people or adults in the world around me, really did make it possible for me to reach this pinnacle age.
You have a really great voice.
Honestly, I've heard this phrase several times from different people in reference to my singing voice. I used to think it was just my parents and my friends being nice to me, and saying that because they were close to me. But, I did make it into an auditioned choir in college. All of this year, that I've been in England, Tiana and I have been in a ladies' church choir. It's been a lot of fun to sing with people who are doing it only because they love to, not because they're being paid, or are going to get a scholarship. The choir really doesn't sound all that great, but all of our songs glorify God. Last night Angie, the choir director and pianist, was helping me practice for an audition for college this fall. I was even impressed at the ease with which I could sing this music for the first time, and she complimented me on my voice. I replied with, "I guess two years of voice lessons paid off." Which they did.
The days until we see each other can now be counted on one hand.
My boyfriend wrote this on my facebook wall yesterday. :)
What time does your flight arrive again?
One of my best friends in Kansas asked me this the other week. I'll be staying at her house for several days so I can be in a wedding of another friend.
What would you like to eat?
My mom asked me this referencing Sunday, the day after the wedding in Kansas, when I get to spend a day with my family at home. I get to catch up on puppy and outdoor stories with my nephew, and meet my new niece.
Would you like to go for a walk along the canal today? Would you like to go to the seaside? Come round to ours for dinner at 7 tomorrow. Are you alright?
These are phrases I've heard, we've heard, since September from people here in Bradford. I am truly blessed. I know that the ways that I have listed are only a handful of my blessings, but I feel truly blessed now, and I thought I would share some with you.
"And God will generously provide all you need. Then you will always have everything you need and plenty left over to share with others." 2 Corinthians 9:8 NLT
My 21st birthday was this past week, and many people said, welcome to adulthood, or Congratulations! You're an adult! Hmm. Funny thing being an adult. It's rather odd being congratulated for just living long enough to add that one more digit to my age that legally makes me an adult. Really, it seems as if I should be thanking those people in the world around me, mostly those older than me, for letting me, allowing me, helping me, enabling me to become an adult. In a way, all I did was sit back and enjoy the ride, but everyone else in the world around me grew food, made clothes, built shelter for me, so that I could reach the day when I'm finally considered part of adult society. The people or adults in the world around me, really did make it possible for me to reach this pinnacle age.
You have a really great voice.
Honestly, I've heard this phrase several times from different people in reference to my singing voice. I used to think it was just my parents and my friends being nice to me, and saying that because they were close to me. But, I did make it into an auditioned choir in college. All of this year, that I've been in England, Tiana and I have been in a ladies' church choir. It's been a lot of fun to sing with people who are doing it only because they love to, not because they're being paid, or are going to get a scholarship. The choir really doesn't sound all that great, but all of our songs glorify God. Last night Angie, the choir director and pianist, was helping me practice for an audition for college this fall. I was even impressed at the ease with which I could sing this music for the first time, and she complimented me on my voice. I replied with, "I guess two years of voice lessons paid off." Which they did.
The days until we see each other can now be counted on one hand.
My boyfriend wrote this on my facebook wall yesterday. :)
What time does your flight arrive again?
One of my best friends in Kansas asked me this the other week. I'll be staying at her house for several days so I can be in a wedding of another friend.
What would you like to eat?
My mom asked me this referencing Sunday, the day after the wedding in Kansas, when I get to spend a day with my family at home. I get to catch up on puppy and outdoor stories with my nephew, and meet my new niece.
Would you like to go for a walk along the canal today? Would you like to go to the seaside? Come round to ours for dinner at 7 tomorrow. Are you alright?
These are phrases I've heard, we've heard, since September from people here in Bradford. I am truly blessed. I know that the ways that I have listed are only a handful of my blessings, but I feel truly blessed now, and I thought I would share some with you.
"And God will generously provide all you need. Then you will always have everything you need and plenty left over to share with others." 2 Corinthians 9:8 NLT
Monday, April 19, 2010
the latter half of April
Hello again. We just finished a two week Easter break from school which was really great. We went to York, gardened, cleaned some, did some kids clubs and went to London, and to Bradford Diocesan Day.
Our trip to London was really great. Re-connecting with Mennonites again was so wonderful. While I've enjoyed my time in Bradford in Anglican and Methodist circles, I discovered that I'm a Mennonite. It just felt right when I reconnected with other Mennonites. It was comfortable, like a favorite pair of jeans that never really wears out, or a favorite food, that you could never tire of eating. Sure I love my other jeans and I love many types of food and I love being in diversity of culture and religion. But there's that one pair of jeans that always fits right, that one food that always tastes delicious no matter the time or place, and that one interpretation of Christianity that just fits right. I've thought about going back home and being completely comfortable with my family and in Mennonite circles and getting this feeling that I'm just running for cover in order to feel in my element like all my needs are met, and just staying there sheltered the rest of my life. My answer is no, I don't want to do that, I can't do that actually. Maybe when I'm 65 I'll come back to Nebraska or Kansas and settle comfortably in a Mennonite congregation, because really, that would be very nice. Maybe I'll do it when I'm 40, but not yet. I want to go back to the Mennonite church in the U.S. right now, maybe for a couple of years. Then I want to uproot and replant myself somewhere else again, somewhere where there's loads to learn, where I don't fit the mold of my surroundings. It might be in a Mennonite church it might not. It might be in the states, it might not be, but not both comfortable things at the same time. I must always be learning changing growing, never setting down long enough to let cobwebs appear, at least not yet.
This past Saturday, Tiana, Rachel and I went to Diocesan Day 2010, basically a conference or convention of the Bradford Diocese. It was held at Bradford Grammar School, a distinguished private secondary school. The day started and ended with worship sessions and was filled with workshops and refreshment breaks in the middle. It really was a great day to engage in faith-based discussions. It was a great atmosphere, with great speakers and workshops. It was interesting learning about the Anglican church this way-from the inside, not as an informed member, but not an outsider. I've been affiliated with the Anglican church for long enough to feel included, but I've not been in it long enough to be learned. Also with the knowledge that I won't be with the Anglican church or in England for much longer makes it feel like a passing learning experience, like I'm an onlooker, even though I'm in it. It's an unparalleled feeling.
In other news, today being the first day back in school, spelling tests were rubbish. If you're in school, or can think back to being in school, a break always makes it more difficult to progress. Even more-so from the teaching/helping side of the spectrum, it seems that learning has been forgotten over the break, the longer the worse. So if I could ask you to please pray for students and teacher, as they try to get back into the swing of conventional learning. Also, there are many teachers and students stuck abroad right now. Due to the volcanic eruption in Iceland, all flights are being held off in and out of the UK right now. The earliest I've heard of people coming back is Wednesday, that is if the cloud(s) of ash settle. The latest I've heard, is of people being stuck in Beijing until May 5th. Please pray for those stranded away from there homes as they may struggle with unexpected money or family issues. Also pray for businesses and organizations, especially schools as they deal with smaller than expected staff for a time. Finally, as I look forward to seeing the farm that I was raised on in about a month and-a-half when I go home briefly for a wedding, I no longer look forward to seeing my dog again. I received my dog, Blackie, a border collie as an early Christmas present in November 1997. About a week ago she saw her last days. Yes she was only a dog, but one of my best companions and favorite things about going home. She is greatly missed.
Thank you always for reading and praying,
Rebecca
Our trip to London was really great. Re-connecting with Mennonites again was so wonderful. While I've enjoyed my time in Bradford in Anglican and Methodist circles, I discovered that I'm a Mennonite. It just felt right when I reconnected with other Mennonites. It was comfortable, like a favorite pair of jeans that never really wears out, or a favorite food, that you could never tire of eating. Sure I love my other jeans and I love many types of food and I love being in diversity of culture and religion. But there's that one pair of jeans that always fits right, that one food that always tastes delicious no matter the time or place, and that one interpretation of Christianity that just fits right. I've thought about going back home and being completely comfortable with my family and in Mennonite circles and getting this feeling that I'm just running for cover in order to feel in my element like all my needs are met, and just staying there sheltered the rest of my life. My answer is no, I don't want to do that, I can't do that actually. Maybe when I'm 65 I'll come back to Nebraska or Kansas and settle comfortably in a Mennonite congregation, because really, that would be very nice. Maybe I'll do it when I'm 40, but not yet. I want to go back to the Mennonite church in the U.S. right now, maybe for a couple of years. Then I want to uproot and replant myself somewhere else again, somewhere where there's loads to learn, where I don't fit the mold of my surroundings. It might be in a Mennonite church it might not. It might be in the states, it might not be, but not both comfortable things at the same time. I must always be learning changing growing, never setting down long enough to let cobwebs appear, at least not yet.
This past Saturday, Tiana, Rachel and I went to Diocesan Day 2010, basically a conference or convention of the Bradford Diocese. It was held at Bradford Grammar School, a distinguished private secondary school. The day started and ended with worship sessions and was filled with workshops and refreshment breaks in the middle. It really was a great day to engage in faith-based discussions. It was a great atmosphere, with great speakers and workshops. It was interesting learning about the Anglican church this way-from the inside, not as an informed member, but not an outsider. I've been affiliated with the Anglican church for long enough to feel included, but I've not been in it long enough to be learned. Also with the knowledge that I won't be with the Anglican church or in England for much longer makes it feel like a passing learning experience, like I'm an onlooker, even though I'm in it. It's an unparalleled feeling.
In other news, today being the first day back in school, spelling tests were rubbish. If you're in school, or can think back to being in school, a break always makes it more difficult to progress. Even more-so from the teaching/helping side of the spectrum, it seems that learning has been forgotten over the break, the longer the worse. So if I could ask you to please pray for students and teacher, as they try to get back into the swing of conventional learning. Also, there are many teachers and students stuck abroad right now. Due to the volcanic eruption in Iceland, all flights are being held off in and out of the UK right now. The earliest I've heard of people coming back is Wednesday, that is if the cloud(s) of ash settle. The latest I've heard, is of people being stuck in Beijing until May 5th. Please pray for those stranded away from there homes as they may struggle with unexpected money or family issues. Also pray for businesses and organizations, especially schools as they deal with smaller than expected staff for a time. Finally, as I look forward to seeing the farm that I was raised on in about a month and-a-half when I go home briefly for a wedding, I no longer look forward to seeing my dog again. I received my dog, Blackie, a border collie as an early Christmas present in November 1997. About a week ago she saw her last days. Yes she was only a dog, but one of my best companions and favorite things about going home. She is greatly missed.
Thank you always for reading and praying,
Rebecca
Saturday, April 10, 2010
during Lent
Hello again,
I'm sure you're wondering what my reflections are now that Lent is through and I'm no longer closely monitoring my Internet usage. Not being pulled to check for updates or email replies was refreshing. It did give me time to really thoroughly enjoy my immersion experience, especially in school. But it's also great to have the freedom to check my email when I need to.
During Lent I dove headfirst into working in school, especially with SEN children, and I love it. There are times that I want to scream at those children, as does every other adult working with them, but on the whole, I love them. The light of realization on their faces when they finally understand something makes all those frustrating moments completely worth it. But I'm not sure fasting from Internet for Lent made this possible. It was a very opportune time for me to fast from Internet, but I think I would be enjoying school just as much if I hadn't fasted.
During Lent I thought about my future, and if I really want to do what I am setting out to do come fall. I was being immersed in children with learning disabilities, physical disabilities, don't speak English all to well, don't listen to lessons or to discipline, and I think I've determined I really love the education scene. I want to help these children, here and now, and in my own classroom, in another school someday, where my payment is more than free greasy meals. I've thought back on the psychology degree that I was going to pursue, and I ask myself if I miss it. Do I still like psychology? Yeah, my new favorite author writes society from a psychological perspective. For a moment I felt less smart, for pursuing a degree that doesn't require a masters to work. But no, I'm fine, I'd much rather work with children in a school than in an office with clients.
During Lent I experienced weekly services and Holy Week activities through an Anglican tradition, and some Methodist. It was different, not what I was expecting. For earlier weeks in Lent, we went to a stations of the cross service on Wednesday evenings and walked around the church to different plaques depicting scenes or people from the story of Jesus' suffering. At Great Horton, a candle was extinguished from ring similar to that at advent every Sunday of Lent, until no candles were to be left burning on Good Friday. Palm Sunday at the Methodist church took me out of my shell a bit. Every able-bodied person gathered at the back of the sanctuary at the start of the the service and with olive branches and hymn books in hand waved and sang for the processional into church. During Holy Week itself there was a service every evening at St. Wilfrid's with communion. Good Friday morning was a family morning at which we attempted to do crafty activities with children and their families that came. We succeeded to some extent in helping the children create life-size drawings of themselves to hang up around the church. We also made a poster upon which everyone whose shadow darkened the church doorway that morning traced their hand in wax crayon. There was also a large banner that read, "Alleluia! He is Risen!" that was hung at the front of the church for Sunday morning. At noon on Good Friday once we were all crafted-out we trooped over to the church hall for soup and bread. It was a great day of family and fellowship. Easter morning, I played violin at St. Wilfrids so that the liturgy could be sung, and there was a definite tune to follow for the hymns. I was really nervous at the start of the service, but it was alright, and everyone was really appreciative to have some music in the service. The liturgy used to always be sung, but then they lost their organ player, and it's been spoken ever since. We were invited to the Bilton's for Easter dinner in the evening, and it was wonderful. There was more food than one could imagine and it was delicious. Most of their children were home, and also Alex, the priest. There was feasting and drinking and laughing and it was glorious. I felt completely comfortable, it was a scene of merriment, friendship, family and laughter that I don't want to leave.
So here I am, it's after Lent, and I'm out of school for a bit, and back online. And what have I learned. During Lent I think I learned how much I love my family and friends. During Lent I learned that I love working with children in a school, and that I am indeed looking forward to going back to school in fall. During Lent I learned how much I love and appreciate the people that have become a family for me here, that I don't want to leave.
Blessings,
Becca
I'm sure you're wondering what my reflections are now that Lent is through and I'm no longer closely monitoring my Internet usage. Not being pulled to check for updates or email replies was refreshing. It did give me time to really thoroughly enjoy my immersion experience, especially in school. But it's also great to have the freedom to check my email when I need to.
During Lent I dove headfirst into working in school, especially with SEN children, and I love it. There are times that I want to scream at those children, as does every other adult working with them, but on the whole, I love them. The light of realization on their faces when they finally understand something makes all those frustrating moments completely worth it. But I'm not sure fasting from Internet for Lent made this possible. It was a very opportune time for me to fast from Internet, but I think I would be enjoying school just as much if I hadn't fasted.
During Lent I thought about my future, and if I really want to do what I am setting out to do come fall. I was being immersed in children with learning disabilities, physical disabilities, don't speak English all to well, don't listen to lessons or to discipline, and I think I've determined I really love the education scene. I want to help these children, here and now, and in my own classroom, in another school someday, where my payment is more than free greasy meals. I've thought back on the psychology degree that I was going to pursue, and I ask myself if I miss it. Do I still like psychology? Yeah, my new favorite author writes society from a psychological perspective. For a moment I felt less smart, for pursuing a degree that doesn't require a masters to work. But no, I'm fine, I'd much rather work with children in a school than in an office with clients.
During Lent I experienced weekly services and Holy Week activities through an Anglican tradition, and some Methodist. It was different, not what I was expecting. For earlier weeks in Lent, we went to a stations of the cross service on Wednesday evenings and walked around the church to different plaques depicting scenes or people from the story of Jesus' suffering. At Great Horton, a candle was extinguished from ring similar to that at advent every Sunday of Lent, until no candles were to be left burning on Good Friday. Palm Sunday at the Methodist church took me out of my shell a bit. Every able-bodied person gathered at the back of the sanctuary at the start of the the service and with olive branches and hymn books in hand waved and sang for the processional into church. During Holy Week itself there was a service every evening at St. Wilfrid's with communion. Good Friday morning was a family morning at which we attempted to do crafty activities with children and their families that came. We succeeded to some extent in helping the children create life-size drawings of themselves to hang up around the church. We also made a poster upon which everyone whose shadow darkened the church doorway that morning traced their hand in wax crayon. There was also a large banner that read, "Alleluia! He is Risen!" that was hung at the front of the church for Sunday morning. At noon on Good Friday once we were all crafted-out we trooped over to the church hall for soup and bread. It was a great day of family and fellowship. Easter morning, I played violin at St. Wilfrids so that the liturgy could be sung, and there was a definite tune to follow for the hymns. I was really nervous at the start of the service, but it was alright, and everyone was really appreciative to have some music in the service. The liturgy used to always be sung, but then they lost their organ player, and it's been spoken ever since. We were invited to the Bilton's for Easter dinner in the evening, and it was wonderful. There was more food than one could imagine and it was delicious. Most of their children were home, and also Alex, the priest. There was feasting and drinking and laughing and it was glorious. I felt completely comfortable, it was a scene of merriment, friendship, family and laughter that I don't want to leave.
So here I am, it's after Lent, and I'm out of school for a bit, and back online. And what have I learned. During Lent I think I learned how much I love my family and friends. During Lent I learned that I love working with children in a school, and that I am indeed looking forward to going back to school in fall. During Lent I learned how much I love and appreciate the people that have become a family for me here, that I don't want to leave.
Blessings,
Becca
Saturday, March 20, 2010
cassette tapes
About four weeks ago I told you all of what I planned to fast from during this Lenten season. You must all now be wondering how I'm doing with this.
I find that not skyping with my parents, my boyfriend and my friends is finally catching up with me. Obviously it's hard, but as always, you never know how difficult and in what ways something is until you have tried it. I've been having to deal with college loan stuff, I've been battling a cold for I believe what is the fourth time this winter, all without the reassuring faces and voices. I never really realized what an important factor these things were in my life. Tonight I was looking at an album of photos of my new niece that my sister-in-law had put on facebook. There was a particular picture that drew my attention. My Aunt Donna was standing in the dining room of my house with the kitchen behind her holding Ashlyn and swinging her about. It brought on a large wave of home sickness. My niece is the sweetest and cutest infant, from what I can tell from pictures, and I can hardly wait to meet her. My Aunt is wonderfully warm and loving, and the most hospitable woman I know, and I haven't seen her since the middle of summer, and I don't know exactly when I'll see her again. Furthermore they were standing in my kitchen/dining room, which I haven't been in since, the end of August, and everything was the same. The same odd-looking, square shaped clock, boxes of tin foil and saran wrap and other things crowded on top and around the finger-smudged microwave, perched above a yellowing dishwasher. Tupperware and rarely-used, odd kitchen appliances preparing to topple off the top of the fridge. Cassette tapes, an over-stuffed pencil holder and random trinkets clutter the blond-varnished wooden divider between the kitchen and dining room. Everything is as it was before.
So I'm not exactly sure what I'm trying to say here, besides that at this particular moment in time, I'd rather be in the tiny kitchen there than the to tiny kitchen here. I guess it's that not having immediate communication with those whom I love most and left at home has caused me to appreciate it more. While it's been difficult to communicate with colleges, and other urgent emails, it's been freeing to not feel the pull to check for messages when I've told myself I can't. This whole experience so far this year has been a big breather for me, a time to get away, to de-stress, to be rather than do and to thoroughly think through things. Lent has given me more space to do this without the distraction of being online all the time. This week when I was feeling particularly discouraged at not being able to skype, I told myself that I should go read my Bible, and I would feel better. I scoffed at myself, as this seemed like a particularly straight-laced, Sunday school answer. Then I reminded myself that it's worked for me before, that I've been able to find calm within the Word at time of distress, so why shouldn't it work now. And it did. I think I read parables for close to an hour this morning, and I was really relaxed when I finished. I don't know why I don't remember this more often. But maybe from now on I will. Psalm 15 stuck out to me just prior to Lent, and I've been reading it since. I've found that I find it helpful to read a certain scripture over and over again for a period of time. Also, that reading over scripture I've read loads of times before is calming, maybe because of the familiarity of it. So, that I guess, is how I am doing with my fast.
God Bless,
Rebecca
I find that not skyping with my parents, my boyfriend and my friends is finally catching up with me. Obviously it's hard, but as always, you never know how difficult and in what ways something is until you have tried it. I've been having to deal with college loan stuff, I've been battling a cold for I believe what is the fourth time this winter, all without the reassuring faces and voices. I never really realized what an important factor these things were in my life. Tonight I was looking at an album of photos of my new niece that my sister-in-law had put on facebook. There was a particular picture that drew my attention. My Aunt Donna was standing in the dining room of my house with the kitchen behind her holding Ashlyn and swinging her about. It brought on a large wave of home sickness. My niece is the sweetest and cutest infant, from what I can tell from pictures, and I can hardly wait to meet her. My Aunt is wonderfully warm and loving, and the most hospitable woman I know, and I haven't seen her since the middle of summer, and I don't know exactly when I'll see her again. Furthermore they were standing in my kitchen/dining room, which I haven't been in since, the end of August, and everything was the same. The same odd-looking, square shaped clock, boxes of tin foil and saran wrap and other things crowded on top and around the finger-smudged microwave, perched above a yellowing dishwasher. Tupperware and rarely-used, odd kitchen appliances preparing to topple off the top of the fridge. Cassette tapes, an over-stuffed pencil holder and random trinkets clutter the blond-varnished wooden divider between the kitchen and dining room. Everything is as it was before.
So I'm not exactly sure what I'm trying to say here, besides that at this particular moment in time, I'd rather be in the tiny kitchen there than the to tiny kitchen here. I guess it's that not having immediate communication with those whom I love most and left at home has caused me to appreciate it more. While it's been difficult to communicate with colleges, and other urgent emails, it's been freeing to not feel the pull to check for messages when I've told myself I can't. This whole experience so far this year has been a big breather for me, a time to get away, to de-stress, to be rather than do and to thoroughly think through things. Lent has given me more space to do this without the distraction of being online all the time. This week when I was feeling particularly discouraged at not being able to skype, I told myself that I should go read my Bible, and I would feel better. I scoffed at myself, as this seemed like a particularly straight-laced, Sunday school answer. Then I reminded myself that it's worked for me before, that I've been able to find calm within the Word at time of distress, so why shouldn't it work now. And it did. I think I read parables for close to an hour this morning, and I was really relaxed when I finished. I don't know why I don't remember this more often. But maybe from now on I will. Psalm 15 stuck out to me just prior to Lent, and I've been reading it since. I've found that I find it helpful to read a certain scripture over and over again for a period of time. Also, that reading over scripture I've read loads of times before is calming, maybe because of the familiarity of it. So, that I guess, is how I am doing with my fast.
God Bless,
Rebecca
Tuesday, February 16, 2010
Lenten stationary
Hello my faithful readers,
It hasn't been so long since I've last written, but there's a chance that it will be until the next time I write. I've determined what I'm going to give up for Lent, a practice I try to do every year, and this year looks to be especially difficult, and could potentially affect all of you. I've decided to cut my Internet usage back to once a week, and therefore cut out Skype for these six weeks. It's not that I spend an awful lot of time online, but I also don't like where I am with Bible study and prayer, and I'm hoping that cutting back on this distraction will at least give me some time. It will certainly be extremely difficult for me to not talk to my parents or my boyfriend for that long, but I just bought some new stationary today, and I've got a Bible waiting to be marked up further, so I think I can manage.
I realize that my blogging about this may seem like just some great difficult thing I want to broadcast, but I would like all of you to keep me accountable. Not so much checking up and seeing how I'm doing just sticking to the once-a-week deal, but upholding me in prayer. If I could ask you to pray for strength as this will certainly be very difficult for me, and I'm sure I'll think about not doing it at some points. Please pray that I will make time for Bible study, meditation and prayer with God that I can connect, and really listen and think about what He's telling me through His Word, and work that I'm doing here.
This year so far has certainly caused me to think far more about who I am as a person, what I want out of life, what I need, what I have to offer, what God has planned for me, than I ever could have imagined. I'm soaking up slow-living, slower than I ever have before, and certainly slower than I want to live the rest of my life. But this year is kind of a breather for me, not just from school, but in life. Just kind of a time to take a breath, a deep breath, and look around, make sure everything is as it should be/I want it to be/need it be. I'm seriously thinking through things, and reconsidering and rethinking, not that I haven't before, but I actually have time to now, so I'm taking advantage of it! I'm reconsidering where I want to go to college, what I want to major in. I'm rethinking what I want singing and violin/fiddling to look like in the rest of my life. I'm thinking about what part/role service/missions will take in my life, or rather what role I will take in it. I'm thinking about my passions for theatre and writing, for politics and social justice, for psychology and peace, and how far I want to take those, how deep they run. Pray that I can listen, to God, and to those around me. Thank you, for listening, for reading, for praying. May you find meaning around you this Lenten season.
Blessings,
Rebecca
It hasn't been so long since I've last written, but there's a chance that it will be until the next time I write. I've determined what I'm going to give up for Lent, a practice I try to do every year, and this year looks to be especially difficult, and could potentially affect all of you. I've decided to cut my Internet usage back to once a week, and therefore cut out Skype for these six weeks. It's not that I spend an awful lot of time online, but I also don't like where I am with Bible study and prayer, and I'm hoping that cutting back on this distraction will at least give me some time. It will certainly be extremely difficult for me to not talk to my parents or my boyfriend for that long, but I just bought some new stationary today, and I've got a Bible waiting to be marked up further, so I think I can manage.
I realize that my blogging about this may seem like just some great difficult thing I want to broadcast, but I would like all of you to keep me accountable. Not so much checking up and seeing how I'm doing just sticking to the once-a-week deal, but upholding me in prayer. If I could ask you to pray for strength as this will certainly be very difficult for me, and I'm sure I'll think about not doing it at some points. Please pray that I will make time for Bible study, meditation and prayer with God that I can connect, and really listen and think about what He's telling me through His Word, and work that I'm doing here.
This year so far has certainly caused me to think far more about who I am as a person, what I want out of life, what I need, what I have to offer, what God has planned for me, than I ever could have imagined. I'm soaking up slow-living, slower than I ever have before, and certainly slower than I want to live the rest of my life. But this year is kind of a breather for me, not just from school, but in life. Just kind of a time to take a breath, a deep breath, and look around, make sure everything is as it should be/I want it to be/need it be. I'm seriously thinking through things, and reconsidering and rethinking, not that I haven't before, but I actually have time to now, so I'm taking advantage of it! I'm reconsidering where I want to go to college, what I want to major in. I'm rethinking what I want singing and violin/fiddling to look like in the rest of my life. I'm thinking about what part/role service/missions will take in my life, or rather what role I will take in it. I'm thinking about my passions for theatre and writing, for politics and social justice, for psychology and peace, and how far I want to take those, how deep they run. Pray that I can listen, to God, and to those around me. Thank you, for listening, for reading, for praying. May you find meaning around you this Lenten season.
Blessings,
Rebecca
Saturday, January 23, 2010
it's been six months since I've seen a corn plant
The sun streams in through our living room window polluting our lives with light and warmth after weeks of icy, wet, dark weather. It seems a strange sight, but is certainly welcome. I'm sitting here thinking back and looking forward. For some reason New Year's has never been a time I've found opportune for this. I think because it still feels as if it's in the hustle and bustle of the holiday season. Friends and family and feasting are the order of most days, and are not commonplace outside the holiday season, and so I feel I can't reflect until it's all over.
I'm thinking back on all the Christmas presents I received and how loved they made me feel. Even though I was away from my family, this was possibly one of the best and certainly the most memorable Christmases I can recall. People here and back home went to great lengths to make sure I wasn't missing out on any love or Christmas spirit and, they succeeded. A necklace from my sister-in-law has become very important to me in this last month. It's a silver circle with a clover in the middle, and around the circle are the words : May God hold you in the palm of His hand, from the Irish Blessing. It reminds me how much my family and friends back home really do love me, and that God is holding me in the palm of His hand, protecting me, caring for me, whether I am near or far from loved ones. Other gifts I received brought back wonderful memories, some quirky and some meaningful, but all filled with love. Wow, I feel as if I am sounding horribly cliche right now and I have forgotten the next thing I was going to say...but as a friend recently told me, things are cliche because they are true.
Since I can't remember the next thing I was going to say, maybe I'll just tell you about some of the work that I've been doing here that I've failed to tell you about thus far. The main part of the project here in Bradford, or the main focus, the placement we're not allowed to miss out on, is working in the schools. I work with year 3 children who are mostly Pakistani. For the literacy and numeracy lessons I go out of the larger classroom with a smaller group of children who are at the lowest skill level. All have poor English skills, and some have learning disabilities. I'm finding this work really rewarding, and something that I might like to continue doing. We also go to a youth group that is run by the Methodist church circuit on Sunday evenings. We've been able to form some great friendships with some of the youth here, and attending a leaders' planning meeting at the beginning of January has helped us to feel more involved.
Another placement we're involved with here is an African Womens' Circle run by the Great Horton Methodist church (the one we attend) every other Thursday. This group started as a way to help refugee and asylum seeker women improve their English skills, and share a meal while becoming adjusted to life in England. This is another group that we recently attended a planning meeting for, and is going through a lot of changes. A lady who headed up the whole group for two years is no longer able to do it, and so volunteers are needed to be in management positions and to volunteer a few hours of their time every few Thursdays. There is talk of expanding African Womens' Circle to be just that, not only refugees and asylum seekers. The hope is that women already comfortable with life here can aid those who are starting a similar journey. There are a few women from the Great Horton church interested, so it looks fairly promising. Please pray for this group as it faces many changes. Pray for the women who attend seeking food, fellowship and help with English, pray for the Methodist church leaders trying to define and shape this group, and pray that volunteers will feel the call to serve.
Now I remember what I was going to say earlier before my words became muddled with cliche. It's now after New Year's after the hustle and bustle of the holiday season, and I feel that I have the time and space to think and reflect. While I know I should have a present state of mind, especially at this time in my life, I can't help but look forward to the next year of my life, and beyond. I don't know exactly what it will look like, but I do know that it will be radically different because of this year. Not knowing, not having a plan, scares the crap out of me. I even had a plan before I left home this year, and now I'm not so sure. But I know that God holds me in the palm of his hand, and will guide me. I have an inner-peace, that it will all be ok, even if I feel as if I am walking blindly now. Today marks six months since I have seen a corn plant in real-life, which is the longest it has ever been for me. Six months ago I left home on dreams and faith, and I'm still ok. I can look back and see that God took care of me, even without my beloved corn or Cornhuskers nearby, and therefore I know that God will take care of me in what's to come.
"Delight yourself in the Lord, and He will give you the desires of your heart." Psalm 37:4
"and surely I am with you always to the very end of the age." Matthew 28:20b
Blessings,
Rebecca
I'm thinking back on all the Christmas presents I received and how loved they made me feel. Even though I was away from my family, this was possibly one of the best and certainly the most memorable Christmases I can recall. People here and back home went to great lengths to make sure I wasn't missing out on any love or Christmas spirit and, they succeeded. A necklace from my sister-in-law has become very important to me in this last month. It's a silver circle with a clover in the middle, and around the circle are the words : May God hold you in the palm of His hand, from the Irish Blessing. It reminds me how much my family and friends back home really do love me, and that God is holding me in the palm of His hand, protecting me, caring for me, whether I am near or far from loved ones. Other gifts I received brought back wonderful memories, some quirky and some meaningful, but all filled with love. Wow, I feel as if I am sounding horribly cliche right now and I have forgotten the next thing I was going to say...but as a friend recently told me, things are cliche because they are true.
Since I can't remember the next thing I was going to say, maybe I'll just tell you about some of the work that I've been doing here that I've failed to tell you about thus far. The main part of the project here in Bradford, or the main focus, the placement we're not allowed to miss out on, is working in the schools. I work with year 3 children who are mostly Pakistani. For the literacy and numeracy lessons I go out of the larger classroom with a smaller group of children who are at the lowest skill level. All have poor English skills, and some have learning disabilities. I'm finding this work really rewarding, and something that I might like to continue doing. We also go to a youth group that is run by the Methodist church circuit on Sunday evenings. We've been able to form some great friendships with some of the youth here, and attending a leaders' planning meeting at the beginning of January has helped us to feel more involved.
Another placement we're involved with here is an African Womens' Circle run by the Great Horton Methodist church (the one we attend) every other Thursday. This group started as a way to help refugee and asylum seeker women improve their English skills, and share a meal while becoming adjusted to life in England. This is another group that we recently attended a planning meeting for, and is going through a lot of changes. A lady who headed up the whole group for two years is no longer able to do it, and so volunteers are needed to be in management positions and to volunteer a few hours of their time every few Thursdays. There is talk of expanding African Womens' Circle to be just that, not only refugees and asylum seekers. The hope is that women already comfortable with life here can aid those who are starting a similar journey. There are a few women from the Great Horton church interested, so it looks fairly promising. Please pray for this group as it faces many changes. Pray for the women who attend seeking food, fellowship and help with English, pray for the Methodist church leaders trying to define and shape this group, and pray that volunteers will feel the call to serve.
Now I remember what I was going to say earlier before my words became muddled with cliche. It's now after New Year's after the hustle and bustle of the holiday season, and I feel that I have the time and space to think and reflect. While I know I should have a present state of mind, especially at this time in my life, I can't help but look forward to the next year of my life, and beyond. I don't know exactly what it will look like, but I do know that it will be radically different because of this year. Not knowing, not having a plan, scares the crap out of me. I even had a plan before I left home this year, and now I'm not so sure. But I know that God holds me in the palm of his hand, and will guide me. I have an inner-peace, that it will all be ok, even if I feel as if I am walking blindly now. Today marks six months since I have seen a corn plant in real-life, which is the longest it has ever been for me. Six months ago I left home on dreams and faith, and I'm still ok. I can look back and see that God took care of me, even without my beloved corn or Cornhuskers nearby, and therefore I know that God will take care of me in what's to come.
"Delight yourself in the Lord, and He will give you the desires of your heart." Psalm 37:4
"and surely I am with you always to the very end of the age." Matthew 28:20b
Blessings,
Rebecca
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