Sorry it took me so long to get a stateside blog. But I've come to a point where I can no longer put it off, and I have to say this.
I last left you anticipating leaving England, dealing with the stress of leaving home and coming home. The first thing that was a major change after landing in Chicago, was the heat and humidity! I was accustomed to a milder climate, and wearing jeans was comfortable some days, even in July. The week in Chicago re-orienting to my mother culture was not what I expected, but it was good. It was a difficult, but necessary and wonderful process to get the ball rolling of making the transition back into this culture. It was so great to catch up on stories with those who had completely different but similar experiences.
Coming home to Nebraska, I hugged my parents, got in the car for an hour and a half catching up on whatever felt right to say. Then we ate at Runza. I had my usual Swiss Mushroom Runza. Oh man did that taste good! I can't say that food has never tasted so good, but that's a part of my childhood that was so wonderful to revisit.
The next month I spent at home. Just at home. I think that's the first time in my life that it's been ok to be just home, for that long of a time. It may be the last this will be true for my childhood home. That's ok. All the while I was being, working, living, reveling, soaking up home, I was re-orienting myself with it. It had changed some. I worked at home, in the heat, I sweated, got sun-burned, bit by mosquitos, muscles that hadn't been used in a year groaned, yelled, whined and complained. I worked at church, and the part of church that I really never have seen before, the staff, was a whole lot more different than I thought. It was eye-opening, refreshing, fun. I got to feel like an adult, with a real job (that was fake) and not feel ALL the pressures. I got to share my story. I'm seeing more and more each day how rejuvenating this is! Even if there's not a hurt to heal, telling your story is healing! I got to share it with Central Plains Mennonite Conference youth, with my church's high school sunday school class I got to give a children's story, play violin in church once again, read scripture with CONVICTION and really believe what I was reading, AS I was reading it. I talked in front of people, and I wasn't crazy-nervous like I've been accustomed to in the past, I was just meh-nervous. I did well, and people laughed when it was funny and cried when I cried. It was truly awesome, and I felt blessed. The first thing I noticed upon being reunited with my home congreation, is that, Bethesda is alive! Yes, my church has problems. It has people in it, therefore it is one of God's problem children. But people are working, moving, growing, living, loving, sharing for Christ! It was such a stark comparison from where I came from, that I couldn't help but notice it. The church in England is dying, and it breaks my heart that this is so. Yes people in England are living, loving, sharing, growing, moving, working for Christ, but only a handful. It broke my heart to know that I didn't notice the comparison sooner, to be more urgent in my work in England. But it also gave me a deep gratitude for where God has chosen to place me on this earth.
Then I drove the 3 hour trip down to my second home, Kansas. I spent one great, but all to short week with my boyfriend before he headed off to Virginia. I neglected the mention of my boyfriend in many of my blog posts this year, because our relationship wasn't the focus of what I was doing this year in England, God was, although sometimes I question if I really made that so. My dating relationship wasn't the focus of this year, but it was one huge part of it. He supported me through thick and thin during the year, like a best friend does. He's never complained that I talk too much, which is something that I need, and truly needed this year. I don't even know how to describe how much having him as a major part of my life meant this year. I do know that it was key, and that it was God's doing, and I am ever so thankful for that. So thank you Travis, for every way in which you supported me this year, I really mean it when I say I couldn't have done it without you. The year would have looked very different.
Being in Kansas wasn't just to see my boyfriend. I prepared that week to return to higher education after a 15-month hiatus. It was weird. School feels weird this time around, I've learned other habits, good and bad, and I don't know exactly what to expect. It's weird to now be "younger" than people that have been in my grade my whole life. It's weird to be in the same grade as people who have been in the grade below me my whole life. It's mind-jarring when I realize that people don't know the story of my year. They don't know if I'm a freshman, a senior, a young person living in town, single, married. It's weird having to reintroduce myself all over again, to the partially familiar. But it's good. All things work together for the good of those who love Him? Why yes they do! I hate the uncomfortable feeling of being the junior who should be acclimated, but is still uneasy. I LOVE that I now live in an encouraging faith community. I didn't realize what I was missing. My soul was SO thirsty. And it feel SO good. I feel SO blessed right now to be surrounded by a grounded body of believers. I do feel closer to God here than I have in the last three years, maybe ever. Hear me when I say that Hesston was absolutely the right place for me two and three years ago. But right now this is exactly what I need, I can feel it through and through. It may be the stark comparison of standing alone with God and my teddy bear last year, and now being uplifted and encouraged. So thank you Father God, for providing for my every need, and giving my soul that drink of cool water to ignite my spirit again.
Amen.
